As they say "bad things happen to good people". I am sure you have experienced that in your own life. Usually we feel blindsided. "I just did not see that coming". How do you deal with a situation life this? We know that it is bad to dwell on the problem but what else can we do?

Jack Canfield offers some ideas on what to do when you get bad feedback, and you realize you have failed. He says to first acknowledge that you did the best you could with the awareness, knowledge and skills you had at the time. That is important because it is easy to beat ourselves up with "I should have known better. I should have done it differently". Then you acknowledge that you survived and that you can deal with the consequences or results of what happened.

Then you write down everything that you learned from the experience, all of your insights and lessons learned. This helps you avoid making the same mistake again. Take some time to review your successes so you remind yourself that you have had more successes than failures. Regroup and spend some time with positive loving people who can reaffirm your worth and your contribution. Then refocus on your vision, incorporate the lessons you learned, recommit to your original plan of action or make a new one, and move forward.

You will also need to clean up any messes the situation created and communicate with everyone concerned in any way necessary to bring closure (apologies, regrets etc). Do not try to hide the fact that you failed. Be sure to thank everyone concerned for their feedback and insights. Do not explain, justify, or blame. Collect feedback, use whatever is applicable and valuable for the future, and get rid of the rest.

Abraham (through Esther and Jerry Hicks) points out that you must focus on a solution instead of on the problem. They say that one way to do this is to, instead of saying "I want …" to think about "Why do I want it?" It is much better to ask "Why do I want it?" then "How will it happen?" or "When will it happen?" or "Who will bring it to me?" Those three questions usually focus your attention back on the problem.

They also say that we very often try to determine where our trouble started, or why we are experiencing this bad situation. Perhaps this is an attempt to justify why we are in this situation. They say that once you have identified that you are in a situation that you do not want to be in, then the faster you can turn your attention towards a solution, the better. To keep exploring the problem will actually prevent you from finding a solution to it. The examination and explanation of a problem perpetuates the problem.

They acknowledge that sometimes we get into situations in which it seems impossible to find anything good about the situation and that no action we can take, or thought we can find, seems appropriate. In all cases, however, we always know how we want to feel. If we are able to find a thought that makes us feel even the smallest feeling of relief, then we are on your way to a solution. They go on to suggest playing a mental game of "What if". Think about "What if I had done this… or recognized that … or been alert… and everything had been okay"

How do you know whether you are looking at a problem or at a solution? Abraham says that looking at a problem produces negative emotion and looking at a solution produces positive emotion. Always look for some idea that feels better, even if it still feels bad.
That is a way to start focusing on the solutions you seek so that you are more likely to find them. Do not forget to acknowledge your feedback and do not try and hide it from the people involved. Make sure you learn the lessons from it, so you can avoid it happening again. Above all keep calm. There is always a solution. You just need to find it.